Confessions
by Rose Stetson
Summary: What if I quit the Air Force? Would that change anything? Or is it just an excuse?
1. You mean me?

**Confessions**

**AU-Season 7 after "Grace"**

_"Maybe it's not me that's the problem here. Let's face it, I'm not that complex."-Jack O'Neill

* * *

_

Colonel Jack O'Neill walked into the briefing room, whistling on Monday morning after a week's leave. "Good morning, campers." He greeted Daniel and Teal'c.

They just nodded their greetings, but said nothing.

"What?" He asked. "Where's Carter?"

"She's gone, Colonel. Effective immediately." General Hammond responded, walking out of his office.

Jack just stared at him. "What?"

"Have a seat, son."

Jack hollowly followed his direction and sat in his usual spot to the right of the general.

"Major Carter will return in two months to be the civilian head of scientific research here on the base." He began.

"Whoa! Hold on, General. You mean to tell me that she was dismissed from active duty?"

"On the contrary, Colonel. She handed in her resignation, but we managed to keep her here." He replied calmly.

"See, that's where I'm confused." Jack continued, leaning forward in his seat, his hands clasped in front of him. "Why would she do that without telling any of us?"

"I'm sorry, Colonel. Her personal reasons for this are none of my concern. However, I do need you to find a replacement for SG-1. I'll have some files on your desk within the week. Dismissed." He stood and so did the three remaining members of SG-1.

"Colonel, may I have a word with you?" He said, turning as he reached the door.

Jack shrugged and followed him.

"Close the door and have a seat."

Jack did so and cleared his throat. "Sir, I don't need any files. I want Carter: civilian or not."

"I understand, Son. But we already gave her that option, and she refused." He said, sympathetically.

"We, sir?"

"Myself and the President."

Jack took a deep breath. "Ah...I see."

"I asked you in here because Major Carter gave me something to give to you."

He produced an envelope with his name written neatly on the front.

"Sir?" Jack asked as he took the envelope.

"She hasn't been the same since she got back from the Prometheus, Jack.. Maybe she's reaching out to you."

Jack nodded, stiffly. "Am I dismissed?"

"Yes."

"Thank you, sir."

* * *

_Hope you enjoy the fic that popped into my head one day..._


	2. Am I right?

_"It's time to let go of the things that prevent you from finding happiness."-Jacob Carter_

* * *

Sam sat on the couch, still absorbing the weight of her decision. With few exceptions, she wouldn't be going off-world again. She closed her eyes. She couldn't have chosen a worse time for a hiatus. They were still looking for the Lost City of the Ancients. And if there was a device there, they might need her to help decipher its function.

She took a deep breath. Crises like that would always be arising. If she wanted to have any lasting happiness found in a relationship, then she would have to learn to tell the rest of the world "no" every once in a while.

"You made the right decision, Sam."

She looked up to see her dad. She blinked a few times...this must be residual from her head injury. "Okay, I know you're not real, but what do you need?"

"Who said I wasn't real?" He asked, stepping toward her.

"Well, you just appeared in my living room and answered some internal questions." She responded.

"Well, I just thought you could use some help." He replied, sitting in the armchair across from her.

"With what?"

"Occupying yourself for the next two months."

"Dad, I think I can handle it. Never mind, I'm talking to a figment of my imagination. Maybe I'm going insane because of the stress...maybe the President is right, and I have finally cracked under the pressure." She replied, logically.

"You...crazy? Never in a million years."

* * *

_Here we go again..._


	3. The Letter

_As long as I'm thinking about you, setting my sights on what I think is unattainable, there's no chance of being hurt by someone else."-Samantha Carter

* * *

_

Dear Jack,

Do you remember our interaction after I got back from the Prometheus? All right, that's not how I wanted to start. Jack, when I was stranded in the gas cloud, I thought about a lot of things...saw my life flash before my eyes, you might say. Or rather, my regrets.

It was a battle between concentrating on my situation and my future. You see, there was this little girl. She kept appearing and disappearing. Jack, there was something about her...I don't know, something ethereal about her. But she wasn't the only one who cam to see me.

Teal'c came to warn me about the calamities that could befall me. Daniel was begging me to "seize the moment" and study the gas cloud.

But when I think about the visits that I got, two really stand out to me. They're the ones affecting my decision to resign from the Air Force. My dad came, but he didn't come to talk about my dilemma. He came to tell me to give up what was forcing me to be alone: to love and be loved in return. Part of me still screams that I'm safer not telling anyone about this. This isn't easy, and I hope you keep an open mind about the whole thing.

It was your visit that really influenced my decision. I know you would never ask me to give up my career, even if...something did develop between us. But I also know that I can continue serving the planet as a civilian while you cannot. And that we can never consider being together if we are both in the Air Force.

Jack, the version of you that surfaced from the depths of my subconscious mind said that I was the problem in our relationship: that you were a safe bet.

As I told "you" then, I'll tell you now. If you don't care for me, tell me and I'll let you go. It won't be easy, but I could do it. But, if the Air Force Regulations were just an excuse, I'm waiting.

There...it's out. Jack, I'm not sure if you were a security blanket that I kept to keep from being hurt by anyone else or if I've genuinely fallen in love with you. I guess that's a bad way to end a letter like this. What I mean to say is that I want to try to have a real relationship with you.

I don't want Grace to be an unattainable dream anymore.

_Samantha_

* * *

"_I don't want anything...but you do."-Grace_


	4. Jack

_"Sam (and Jack), I know you've denied yourself the experience because you think it must invariably end in pain and loneliness."-Jacob Carter

* * *

_

Jack sat in his office, reading and rereading the letter. Its contents amazed him; she had quit the Air Force for him: to be closer to him.

"No wonder she refused her position on SG-1." He muttered.

"What?" Daniel asked, knocking on the door as he entered.

"Oh, nothing." Jack said, folding up the letter and placing it in his desk.

"Sam refused a civilian position on SG-1?" Daniel asked, sitting down in front of Jack.

"What do you need, Danny?"

"Teal'c and I are going to see Sam. See if she needs anything."

"Are you asking for permission?" Jack responded, sarcastically.

"Uh...no, we were wondering if you wanted to come with us." Daniel said, studying his friend.

"Ah." Jack replied.

"So?"

"So what?"

"Are you coming with us or not?" Daniel asked.

"Uh, maybe later." He said, not focusing on his friend.

"Okay...you want to go alone." He replied.

"Ya think?"

"I guess the real question then is do you want to go before or after us?"

"I have some things to think about." He replied calmly.

"So, we're first?"

"I don't know!" A frustrated Jack responded.

"I guess we don't have to go today...or even tomorrow." Daniel suggested.

"Yeah...thanks." Jack said, rubbing his forehead as if he had a headache.

"You going to be okay?" He asked as he stood.

"I don't know." Jack replied honestly.

Daniel left and Jack pulled the letter back out of his desk. He looked back down at the last line. What is Grace? He asked himself.

He glanced at his watch. He should probably get this taken care of. He took a deep breath. Why was he so intimidated? He had what he had wanted for the last seven years handed to him on a silver platter.

Yeah, kind of like the head of John the Baptist. He thought.

"Okay, that's enough of that. I'll just go to her place and invite her to dinner tomorrow night." He said, standing up straight.

Security blanket, bah...I'm going to wine and dine her so that she doesn't even know the meaning of a security blanket. Of course, he would invite her to watch the hockey game with pizza and drinks tonight if everything went well.

"Why wouldn't everything go well?" He asked as he got into his truck.


	5. Always there

_"Samantha...I'm a figment of your imagination. You're going to call me 'sir'?"-Jack O'Neill_

_"I will always be there for you, no matter what. Believe me."-Jack O'Neill_

* * *

Sam was dozing on the couch, hoping to eradicate the hallucinations with some more rest. However, she was awoken by "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star." Her eyes fluttered open, and Grace stood before her.

"Hi." She said, blowing some bubbles toward her.

"What are you doing here?" Sam asked.

"Play with me!"

Sam smiled. "Okay."

She brought the wand toward Sam, who blew into the wand, releasing a few previously captive bubbles. "About the last time I saw you..." Sam began, watching the little girl more than she was watching the bubbles.

"What about it?" She asked.

"I just wanted to say thank you."

"For what, Carter?" Jack asked.

She stiffened as Grace disappeared. "Nothing, sir."

"You've been thanking me for nothing a lot recently...what's wrong?" He asked.

She turned. "Nothing."

There was an awkward silence, and Jack cleared his throat. "Is this a bad time? I mean, you didn't answer when I knocked..." He closed the door. "And since you had that head injury, I got...worried."

She smiled and motioned for him to come in. "Thank you, sir. No, this isn't a bad time. I'm just thinking."

Jack walked in. "Well, Carter...you, uh, got me to do some thinking...which as you know, isn't something I do a whole lot of..."

"What about?" She asked, absent-mindedly.

"What about?" He asked, his eyebrows shooting right up. "Carter, are you sure you're all right?"

She looked at him, and she suddenly remembered the letter. "Oh, you got...the letter."

"Yeah."

"So...you're here to do what?" She asked, sitting up taller.

"Actually, I'm here to...talk...to you." He said. "Mind if I have a seat?"

She shrugged. "You might as well."

"Okay...first of all, your...subconscious mind has it right." He began.

"Has what right?" She asked, still distracted.

"That I'm a safe...Carter, what's wrong?"

She took a deep breath. "You didn't see that little girl?"

"What little girl? The one from the letter?"

"Yes...the one that I was talking to right when you..." She looked into his confused face and smiled. "It's probably nothing."

"You're starting to worry me."

"I just didn't sleep very well last night...anticipation."

Jack took a deep breath while looking around the room, a sign of his nervousness. "Well, Carter, I'm here to ask you if you want to watch a hockey game with me at my place, pizza and drinks included."

"Hockey?"

"Yeah...as in a...date...sort of." He finished.

She blanched. "A date? Sir, are you asking me out?"

"Yeah." He said, uncomfortably. "And let's get rid of the 'sir.' I'm not your commanding officer anymore, and this is already weird enough."

"Okay...sure." She answered.

"Sure?" He asked.

"Si- Jack, I told you in the letter that if the regs were just an excuse, that I was waiting." She replied.

"Right." He said with a big grin of relief.

"So, it's just going to be you and me? No Daniel or Teal'c?" She asked.

"Just you and me, Carter."

She smiled. "I like that."

_"Twinkle, twinkle little star/How I wonder what you are."_

Jack turned around. "Who was that?"

Sam smiled. "Oh, it was just Grace."

"Grace, huh?"

"Yeah...she was the little girl."

"So that's what you meant about not wanting Grace to be an unattainable dream anymore." He said, watching her.

She blushed. "Actually, I have no idea who she is...but she gave me a clue, and I just have to unravel the mystery."

"What did she say?"

"'I don't want anything...but you do.'" She quoted softly, looking down at the floor.

Jack smiled. "So do I."

Sam looked back up at him, to the tender look in his eyes as he gazed at her. "You do?"

"Yeah, but right now, I'm all for baby steps."

She smiled. "So am I."

"So, you won't mind if I do this, then, will you?" He asked as he moved from the armchair and sat next to her on the couch.

Her heart started pounding. "We could do some fast baby steps." She agreed.

"Then I could do this?" He said, reaching his hand to her face, and caressed it softly. She closed her eyes.

"I certainly wouldn't mind." She murmured.

"Or this?" He asked as he placed his lips over hers in a tender kiss.

They parted after a few moments, and she shook her head. "Of course not. In fact, do it again." He obliged quickly, but as he did so, they were both able to hear a small voice sing: _"Twinkle, twinkle little star..."_


	6. Epilogue

"Come on, Sam…just one more push!" Janet urged.

Samantha Carter-O'Neill looked over at her husband, who was stroking her hair, gently. "Come on, Baby…you can do it."

"I can't…" She said gutturally as she gave every ounce of her strength toward the last push.

"And baby makes three." Janet announced.

Suddenly, the infant let out a wail, and Sam looked over with tears in her eyes to her husband.

"It's a girl." Janet said, softly as she handed the child over to Sam.

Jack and Sam stared at their baby girl. "Oh, she's beautiful." Sam breathed.

"She's going to take after her mother." Jack replied.

Sam looked up and gave a breathless chuckle.

"What are you going to name her?" Daniel asked, through the glass in the observation room.

"Grace Jacqueline O'Neill." Sam replied.

"I thought it was Grace Elizabeth O'Neill." Jack said, chuckling.

"I've just gone through thirteen hours of labor…do you really want to argue with me?" Sam asked, a teasing gleam in her eyes.

"No…Grace Jacqueline O'Neill it is…"

Suddenly, Jack heard the small echo of a song. _"Twinkle, twinkle, little star…"_

"How I wonder what you are," he continued. "Up above the world so high…Like a diamond in the sky…Twinkle, twinkle little star…How I wonder what you are."

Sam smiled. "She's our little star." She whispered, letting her finger glide over Grace's cheek.

"Yes. Our little star."


End file.
